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Stressed at Work?

Editorial Team

To prep for a Good Morning America segment this morning on stress in the workplace, I asked women to write to me about it.

I got a flood of emails in response—honest and heartfelt (heartbreaking too) letters that described workplace nightmares that caused them to quit, damaged their self-esteem, or left them doubting that solutions may exist.

“It was to the point that I was vomiting before going to work in the final months out of pure dread because every week my supervisor was b*tching (excuse my French) about something and nitpicking,” said D. “I don’t regret leaving that job one bit, even in this economy.”

K talked about being forced to take a severance package from her $50,000 a year sales job—just months after a painful bought with cancer that naturally reduced her productivity at work.

“Now at 59 I am unemployed and a cancer survivor, two strikes against me in this youth oriented culture,” she wrote. “Tory, I worked 43 years and paid taxes every year and now society just wants to toss me aside when I look, feel and have the energy of a 30 year old. It is not right! Prior to my illness, I ran circles around the kids in their 20s and 30s, had a better work ethic, shut my cell phone off at work and did not surf the net, except for professional matters.”

And another woman, B, wrote about leaving a “toxic environment” at a call center with abusive managers.

“The stress was incredible,” she said. “My family complained that I was always cranky, I couldn’t sleep well. I was gaining weight. I was an absolutely miserable person to be around because I was so frustrated and angry. I couldn’t enjoy personal outings or hobbies because I was always stressed about the work that needed to be done, even on weekends and evenings. We were expected to be on calls night and day with people from the other half of the world.”

D has found a part-time job and B has moved on as well. “A place that respects their employees is invigorating,” she told me. “I’m happy. I even look forward to coming to work in the morning. My kids have commented that I’m much more fun to be around and they don’t have to be scared of me yelling at them anymore (isn’t that sad?). I can enjoy life. I am taking care of myself again, and have regained my confidence in my abilities.”

Good for them.

But as I read these e-mails and countless others like them, one thing kept coming back to me again and again: It shouldn’t be this way—and it doesn’t have to be this way.

Comments

  1. Alison Hill

    Dear Tori,

    I’ve been thinking of writing a series of articles on this very subject. Along with many of my friends and acquaintances I have left the workplace world behind and am going it alone as a freelancer. It’s amazing how many people (especially women) are taking this route. Sometimes it’s just in our blood, but this can also be fueled by unhappy work environments in the past. Or maybe even a combination of both. Do women suffer more? This is a good question to ask, and I do believe there’s an element of truth to this, be it an overbearing female boss or a bullying male as the culprit. I also think there is a personality type – the sensitive, creative, who is vulnerable and almost attracts this treatment. I am collecting scenarios of what I term as ‘abuse’ and bullying in the workplace. I have a few of my own, including nightmare interview questions I’ve endured – for example, one gem when I was just starting out in journalism: “so you’re married, that means you’ll be wanting time off to have babies soon?” I’ve also worked in television and it’s amazing what awful behavior some people can get away with, largely because others (those supposedly in charge) are afraid or reluctant to confront them. Having lived and worked on both sides of the Atlantic, I do believe American women are in a worse situation, and there are many reasons for this. In Europe there is more time off for instance, more sick time, better maternity leave and so on, which I believe can make a huge difference. But regardless, here or abroad, workplace abuse occurs and it has the same debilitating effects. Those who suffer may feel trapped and helpless – they need the job, the money, etc. and are afraid to speak up. I’m so glad you’re covering this important subject. Thank you.

  2. Brigid

    Tory,

    I saw your segment this morning and thought how appropriate for me. I have been unemployed and underemployed for 3 years after a horrific divorce. I just started career transition workshop at one of the churhes here in San Antonio and it is a fabulous program for people like me. Sadly my $10 an hour/ 30 hour a week part time job has me so stressed I can’t even think straight. The company motto should be “Nothing is EVER good enough” because it isn’t. The job is in a high end hair salon and even though this is not my intended industry they made an offer that I thought would be fun while I continued to search for work. WRONG!!! I am so tired I can barely function. I am beginning to think I am suffering from real depression that needs some kind of treatment and I am loosing my COBRA in a few weeks so I can’t even seek treatment. I have spent the last two days in tears after two 9.5 hour days with a new assistant manager that has an ego as big as the doorway. I think the only solution for me is to leave. At this point will leaving this job really have that much effect on my already hideous job history as a former military wife and now ex military wife and long term unemployed degreed individual. I have to think not.

  3. Margie Taylor

    Torey, unfortunately those who are stressing out their emplyees are being stressed by their superiors. As they say, crap rolls downhill. Everyone that has the good fortune of have a job is being pushed to do more with less and it is getting to everyone. Most are doing what they can to keep their jobs while truely troubled churning inside as they put more on their employees. I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just a reality.

    We need to all just “EXHALE”. This situation is in God’s hands now. Too much Bush (they voted him in for 2 terms-really?). Now we just have wait for the clean up after the storm. Each of us need to put our minds to helping one person a day to find work. If you have a position of power, you CAN get someone hired. When I was in that position I did it all the time. Some don’t because they are too afraid of losing ther jobs or thinking that someone they suggest or get hired will take their position. We need to be confident in ourseldes and our abilities to not fear. God knows what’s going to happen and it will happen no matter what if that is His plan. From their we need to learn the lessons he is teaching and move up to higher heights like Torey. After the shock of being let go, she moved on to much higher heights because God had a bigger plan for her life.

    What I’m saying is be cautious but “careful for nothing: God knows your needs and if you know Him & trust Him-He will supply!

  4. M Taylor

    Torey, unfortunately those who are stressing out their emplyees are being stressed by their superiors. As they say, crap rolls downhill. Everyone that has the good fortune of have a job is being pushed to do more with less and it is getting to everyone. Most are doing what they can to keep their jobs while truely troubled churning inside as they put more on their employees. I’m not saying it’s right, it’s just a reality.

    We need to all just “EXHALE”. This situation is in God’s hands now. Too much Bush (they voted him in for 2 terms-really?). Now we just have wait for the clean up after the storm. Each of us need to put our minds to helping one person a day to find work. If you have a position of power, you CAN get someone hired. When I was in that position I did it all the time. Some don’t because they are too afraid of losing ther jobs or thinking that someone they suggest or get hired will take their position. We need to be confident in ourselves and our abilities to not fear. God knows what’s going to happen and it will happen no matter what if that is His plan. From there, we need to learn the lessons He is teaching and move up to higher heights like you. After the shock of being let go, you moved on to much higher heights because God had a bigger plan for her life.

    What I’m saying is be “careful for nothing” God knows your needs and if you know Him & trust Him-He will supply!

  5. KC

    You all have such great points. I too have been unemployed for two years and counting, and find it frustrating that I cannot find work. I heard one person on the panel of Meet the Press mention why employers are afraid to hire. And unfortunately, we can’t force employers to hire us, so what do we do. I’ve cold called, Linked in, etc. which is for professionals, and I’m seeking an entry level position because I don’t have the experience most of you do. I’m at the danger age– 50+– now I’m a liability. Most of our job resource facilities push training programs; they are not design to find anyone a job. Temporary agencies are in it for a profit, so they won’t give someone like me a chance. I do believe if we all pray and be supportive of others that this too shall pass.

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