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May 23, 2022

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Virtual Job Club Day 16: You're Due for a Fear Tune-Up

In Week One we discussed the topic of fear and how it affects your job search. We asked you to use five specific strategies to overcome your fear.

Fear is fascinating: it’s real to us and in our head makes complete sense, but to others it can seem silly or unwarranted. The truth is overcoming fear or learning how to manage it is a process.

Today we’ll revisit the topic because it’s a bear. Join executive coach and trainer Dani Ticktin Koplik who’ll show you how to acknowledge your fear as a choice. That you can say, “I know I’m scared of something, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Press play below to listen to this 15 minute call any time.

In the meantime share your progress on overcoming fear. What have you been doing to overcome fear? What successes have you had as a result? What have you struggled with?

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Comments

  1. Mary

    After doing the first exercise, and reading every body else’s comments, I felt really foolish paying attention to my fears.
    I made a decision to line up the tasks that would lead to getting the kind of job that I wanted, with the idea of just applying at ALL the places by the end of the month. There is so much work involved in getting ready to launch this strategy that I actually haven’t thought about my fears.

    I also started going to free seminars for the social media stuff, which gives me the possibility of meeting new people who are trying to be helpful. I pray a lot, and believe my prayers are answered. Also, I made a conscious decision to limit my access with negative people, and cut out some (unfortunately not ALL yet) of the bigger time wasters.

    A big thank you to Tory for the thought provoking assignments, and a big thank you to all of the posters as it helps to know others have the same battle. All be blessed today!

  2. Good Morning, I look forward to the discussion today, because I have fear in contacting people on social network and making contacts which has turned into a block which has hindered me from moving forward.

  3. MMP

    I actually went to a Toastmaster’s meeting and spoke for about 2 minutes for an impromptu speech exercise. It helped!

    I also worked up the courage to call a contact who is a professional I never would dream of approaching before. He was extremely kind and helpful, spending 20 minutes on the phone with me. That helped too, as he gave me some very specific information about how I could market myself based on what’s “hot” in the building industry. (This helps me figure out how to be “relevant”!)

    I approached a homeowner about buying the drawing I did of her home a couple of years ago–she wants to buy it.
    These actions have one thing in common: I was fearful before I did them, but once I was in the middle of them, the fear was GONE! Hmmmmm……

    Struggles: getting that darned resume written and portfolio in order. Calling those 5 people per day that I committed to on Day 2.

  4. RK

    I’m still in pretty much the same place. Afraid of cold calling and don’t seem to be able to MAKE myself do it. Afraid of rejection and that’s still there, too. I’m uncertain how to proceed.

  5. Fear? Since I’ve facilitated job clubs since the 90’s and have talked in front of large groups since the late 80’s plus have no problems being interviewed by the media or talking on radio shows not to mention growing up with my father who is the supreme networker of all time I don’t have a fear of networking or getting in front of people. Job interviews don’t scare me as I see them as just a way to meet new people and if an offer comes out of it all the better.

    I’ve also dealt with much in my personal life in the past 6 years that has sent me down a path of advocacy where I have no fear of telling off a detective or making a room full of law enforcement cry. Plus it has put me in contact with so many walks of life from the very best the world has to offer to the very worse. I’ve had to cry with strangers and yell at monsters. I also have already lost 2 homes due to events out of my control and have had no living stability in 6 years …. so fear of not finding a new job is not really a fear, just another hurdle to jump and keep jumping until I secure the position I want.

  6. Lois

    I can’t find my original entry so if you can help me, that would be great.

  7. Susan Kaye

    I have no fear of Facebook, LinkedIn. Go all the time on those 2 places and vent my feelings about what is going on in my life.

    What I am afraid of will not get a job that will pay well and have benefits because of my age over 5o, also I never finished college need another 30 to 40 credits to finish.

    Will get another job like I have been doing for the past 8 years working underemployed, with no benefits, low salary, horrible working conditions, being treated like a child.All those years working like that I had to sell my house last year. Now renting a room in some house just too horrible go into, and what goes in the place no one could believe.

  8. M L B

    I think that I have spent too much time hiding behind my fear and now finally I am ready to step out from behind it’s shadow. It is easier to be afraid and use and use that as a crutch because if I were to become successful in my venture, then people would see just me, out there exposed. I have no friend or family support where I am so if I were to fall there will be no one around to catch me. Thanks to these weeks of guideance from Tory and her colleagues I have finally started to realize, that just maybe I am strong enough to catch myself….

  9. Gwen

    I am trying to face my fear of failure by making myself do something I have procrastinated on for 2 years and that is that I actually sent an article to a peer reviewed publication and after a couple of months of nail biting, they contacted me to let me know that I passed the first round of critiques and they would like for me to resubmit! Even if I don’t pass the second round, I see that nothing bad happened to me by trying something I was so very afraid to try before.

  10. C.J.

    I have a fear tht I won’t find my first full-time job out of college. I graduated in 2006, went home then moved to DC in 2007, and have done a variety of temp and volunteer jobs. I would like one to stick that is paid. I feel that I don’t have anything to offer and that I won’t get the job. Thank you.

  11. My greatest fear now is the same as before — the fear of losing my home because I’ve fallen in arrears in rent from being laid off. This is a very real situation that colors every thought, every action. It’s not a situation I can just brush off out of my mind.

    So I suppose next on the scale is the fear I’m not going to find/create a money-making plan in time to keep a roof over my head.

    My successes? I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP. I am here everyday not only job searching and contacting agencies and recruiters, but I am investing the time in improving how I am presenting myself to the world through all the suggestions I’ve gained from this job club.

  12. Lois

    My fear is that of the old shopping bag lady on the street collecting bottles to pay for food or not having money to pay my mortgage, maintenance and my bills. When these fears come up I try to say: money comes to me easily and effortlessly as a way to counter the fear!

  13. S

    I “fear” ;-)) I missed most of this session…..did it start earlier than the usually scheduled 2:00 pm EST time?!

  14. Victoria

    The only fear I have is wasting time.

    I am realizing that being my own boss is the way to go and I’m going to venture into a tried and true industry that most educated people wouldn’t consider. Thankfully NYC provides free business education classes for entrepreneurs.

    I’m sick of corporate posturing.

  15. Debbie G.

    Hi. It sounded like the call started before 2:00, but I will hopefully catch the beginning on the recording.

    This topic (fear) has been a timely topic for me – I decided to set some resolutions this month around living with more courage (even before the topic came up on day 2/3) and have been reading some great books from my library on overcoming fear. The tools from the two calls have also given me more ideas to choose from.

    Changes I have already made include recognizing when I am feeling nervous or afraid of doing something and taking a step back to identify it and to see what is really going on. I also react with more understanding to other people because I can recognize when they are also just acting out of fear. I now recognize my old habits for avoiding what I am afraid to do like getting something to eat, checking my email, picking up my house, running an errand, etc.

    Now, I have put myself on a schedule to focus on the important things first and do the side things only as a break or during a specific time like checking email only twice a day, scheduling my writing for the same two hours everyday, focusing just on my job hunt for at least 4 hours a day plus working on the action ideas suggested in this program, and only doing housework or errands during (and for) a specified time at the end of the day.

    As a result, I am over 5,000 words closer to completing the first draft of my first novel. I am starting to implement a plan to enhance my online presence and build my visibility and I am talking with people about what I really want to do and getting very positive support and feedback.

  16. Janice Sonia Edwards

    My fear is that I will run out of money before findng a suitable job. However having taken this course has given me new insight and help me to identify resources that I can use to survive. I ahve been able to decide what my brnd is. Recently I was in discussion with a friend who is a manager at a company and our conversation ended with me being charged to develop a program for a particular trining need. I have done that and am looking forward to finalise my first agreement with that company. Though it is for a samll group it is a begining and that has motivated me to market to small organisations. I am designing brochures, documenting my plan and intend to have a small launch in October. Maybe I will end up employing myself full time. Be that as it may, I have benefitted greatly from all the lessons on the job club. I am renewed and reignited and recharged focussing on (50+) as the gateway to an exciting and liberating phase of life. I hope for the best as I face my fears head on!
    Special words of comfort and encouragement go out to all of you who fear becoming homeless. i pray for your breakthrough. Hold on and keep your eyes open for opportunities coming your way.
    Thanks to Tory again for her generosity in sharing with us. may God bless us all.

  17. J S E

    I appreciate the lessons on how to use LinkedIn effectively. There is so much more I can do and benefit from now, not only in job seeking but to also benefit my little business venture.

  18. je

    I have been working on strategy # 2, learn how to question reality. One of my personality flaws is that I always assume that the worst is what will happen, so I’m finding this somewhat of a challenge. Like Lois, I fear being unable to maintain a roof over my head, which is making me somewhat desperate to find a job. I fear being seen as unsuccessful – to the extent that I refuse to go to high school reunions. I guess my biggest fear is that I will never live up to my potential. I honestly have no idea how to break free of that fear, which almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m working on reminding myself on a daily basis of what I can offer, both in and out of work. I did invite several people to connect with me on LinkedIn, which I’ve been afraid to do. I keep telling myself it’s okay to start with baby steps.

  19. My biggest fears today were that I’d either 1.not be on time for today’s call that, oh by the way, I was conducting, or 2. that I’d miss my cue or 3. that technology would somehow conspire against me or 4. I would think of things later that I wanted to tell you. Well, ladies, I’m 4 for 4 and would like to apologize for any inconvenience this caused. The good news is that the recording survived and is available. I’d like to make amends by responding directly to a number of your posts about fear. These are crazy times — unlike anything we’ve experienced before — so please take advantage of my offer and keep those posts coming. I’d also love to hear how you’ll implement any of the messages on the call.

  20. Alison

    For overcoming fear my success has been learning to live in today. I always fear I can’t pay my bills, when in reality I have savings that would let me survive 3 months without pay. However, I have been dipping into this because I’m lucky to make my bills on what I earn working PT in retail. Step 2 would help me rationalize this. I’ve been training myself to think more rationally at my situation. Some days I’m good, others I’m not. In order for me to come up with solutions, I have considered doing holiday help somewhere to cushion my income. Also, I may get a promotion soon, so that will result in a decent raise for retail, aka 50 cents an hour.

    As for my weaknesses/obstacles with fear is definetly steps 4 and 5. These deal with my confidence issues. I feel I have nothing valuable to offer and it’s hard for me to put myself out there each and every day. I fear the rejection I have so often got. I need to remember, someday someone will be smart enough to say yes.

  21. I ask myself what is the worst possible thing that can happen if I push forward? I respond they might push back but thats ok because it is a growth process. No pain no gain. I have been talking more and letting go of pride. It doesn’t matter what negative people think they can’t help me. Its the ones that are a part of the solution I’m reaching for today.

  22. LCann

    What causes my fear is making the wrong decision of where I will live (3 options). Why? I must remain dedicated to this project for the next 5 yrs and more while generating enough income to regain and maintain independence as a single person. The C.R.E.A.T.E. model is excellent. Several months ago I was able to answer these questions not realizing there was a model. Ironically, the end result was creating and developing my own health education program along with other modules. Thanks for the affirmation.

  23. LCann,
    Congratulations! Hopefully, your successful deployment of the CREATE model will inspire others. I can see from the comments that so many are truly trapped in the details of their fear. If this resonates with you, I offer up another model. You’ll need your notebook (remember the notebook!) and a pen for this: draw a large isosceles (the two vertical-ish sides are even and long) triangle and then draw a wavy line horizontally thru the middle. The triangle is an iceberg and the wavy line is the water line. Now bisect the space above the water with another horizontal line and divide the space below the water into three parts.
    Now we’re ready to label. From bottom up: #5: Drama; #4 Problems; #3 Details. Now above the water line: #2 Planning and #1…drum roll…VISION. the idea is to keep your thinking above the water line. Anything above will advance you toward your goal but anything below will keep you “under water.” So it’s possible to assess your current reality without hanging too long in the details. As soon as you get to the Explore Alternatives piece, you’ve automatically put your head above water. give it a try and let us all know how it goes. Remember, the more you practice this the more automatic it will become. It’s a scientific fact!

  24. MJD

    Great lecture! I have been working on recognize that it is fear. Often I am not sure if I am afraid or something else. That is the biggest point for me. Once I understand that I am afraid I work with myself to work through it. Once I see it as somehing I can change I work to do that but if it is something I can not change then I have to find the strength to change it.

    Create model affrimed some of the exercises I am doing. It’s good to hear that I am doing something right.

  25. PAL

    My current reality is that I do not have a full time job. One of my part-time jobs may be ending soon. My options will be to put in to action all of the great advice given so far. The main one will be using Linked In more effectively. I was not aware of all the features available. Tapping energy means getting organized and doing something daily toward my goals.

  26. DWS

    Money, or lack of the same, is always my biggest fear. Even though we are in a recession, prices keep going up for food, untilities, fuel, etc., etc. I have cut back as much as humanly possible, and really save every penny that I possibly can during this unemployed period. The other fears, I have conquered, by facing them head-on, no matter how hard they seem originally. The more of them you conquer, the more your self confidence raises and the better you feel about yourself as a person.

  27. mj

    Fear of not being able to care for myself is great; but now I am thinking that no matter what I do life keeps on going, so I have to do the same. No other path.

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