Stressed at Work?

Editorial Team 5

To prep for a Good Morning America segment this morning on stress in the workplace, I asked women to write to me about it.

I got a flood of emails in response—honest and heartfelt (heartbreaking too) letters that described workplace nightmares that caused them to quit, damaged their self-esteem, or left them doubting that solutions may exist.

“It was to the point that I was vomiting before going to work in the final months out of pure dread because every week my supervisor was b*tching (excuse my French) about something and nitpicking,” said D. “I don’t regret leaving that job one bit, even in this economy.”

K talked about being forced to take a severance package from her $50,000 a year sales job—just months after a painful bought with cancer that naturally reduced her productivity at work.

“Now at 59 I am unemployed and a cancer survivor, two strikes against me in this youth oriented culture,” she wrote. “Tory, I worked 43 years and paid taxes every year and now society just wants to toss me aside when I look, feel and have the energy of a 30 year old. It is not right! Prior to my illness, I ran circles around the kids in their 20s and 30s, had a better work ethic, shut my cell phone off at work and did not surf the net, except for professional matters.”

And another woman, B, wrote about leaving a “toxic environment” at a call center with abusive managers.

“The stress was incredible,” she said. “My family complained that I was always cranky, I couldn’t sleep well. I was gaining weight. I was an absolutely miserable person to be around because I was so frustrated and angry. I couldn’t enjoy personal outings or hobbies because I was always stressed about the work that needed to be done, even on weekends and evenings. We were expected to be on calls night and day with people from the other half of the world.”

D has found a part-time job and B has moved on as well. “A place that respects their employees is invigorating,” she told me. “I’m happy. I even look forward to coming to work in the morning. My kids have commented that I’m much more fun to be around and they don’t have to be scared of me yelling at them anymore (isn’t that sad?). I can enjoy life. I am taking care of myself again, and have regained my confidence in my abilities.”

Good for them.

But as I read these e-mails and countless others like them, one thing kept coming back to me again and again: It shouldn’t be this way—and it doesn’t have to be this way.

Workplace Flexibility

Editorial Team

Manage Stress Through Workplace Flexibility

In this section:

• Flexible Work Arrangements
• Breaking Away is Good for You

Be a strong performer on the job. Flextime is an accommodation, not an entitlement. Slackers and clock-watchers won’t get the benefit of the doubt. Good workers are more likely to have requests approved. So your first step is asking yourself if your performance is truly outstanding. If not, focus on improving it before asking for a special accommodation.

Flexible Work Arrangements

Condensed work week If your standard week is 40 hours – typically broken into 5 days, 8 hours per day – could you perform your position in 4 days at 10 hours per day? Even if this isn’t possible every single week, you might convince your boss to consider it even just once or twice a month, which would give you a free weekday to tend to personal and family needs.

Telecommuting Instead of reporting for duty to your employer’s offices all five days a week, can your position be performed from your home one or two days a week? This would require you to have – or your employer to provide – whatever equipment and supplies are needed for your job, including dedicated phone line, computer, high speed Internet access, and so forth. This eliminates a commute and typically leads to increased productivity among already-motivated employees.

If you’re easily distracted or you don’t have dedicated space in which to work from, this might not be a viable option. Many employers won’t allow this type of arrangement if you’re using it in lieu of baby-sitting services. They want to ensure that you’re putting in your full hours even from home.

Vacation by the hour Even though it’s more difficult to keep track of time used, some employers are starting to allow workers to use their allotted vacation time by the hour instead of by the day. This enables working parents to attend school functions or doctor’s appointments without missing a full day of work. The benefit to employers is better productivity – more work gets done if an employee is present for part of the day than not at all. In other cases, employers sometimes allow staffers to convert unused sick days into vacation days.

Alternative work schedule The federal government and many private employers allow some employees to select arrival and departure times that suit their personal needs within the working day. For example, some people might want to avoid a heavy commute, while others may benefit from seeing their kids off to school in the morning. These employees are still putting in the same number of hours in the office as their peers, but they’re not necessarily the traditional 9 to 5 hours.

Access to concierge services Many employers recognize that life happens while we’re at work and they’re offering benefits that help the rank and file to better manage career and home simultaneously. Among the concierge services offered: dinner-to-go via their on-site cafeterias – to help parents who work a bit later avoid the rat-race of getting home to cook for their families, help with dog walking, routine car maintenance, a fill-in at home who can wait for the cable guy to show up, and other tasks that would normally take you away from work during the week or away from family on the weekend.

Part-time work Some women would gladly accept reduced pay and benefits to receive a reduced work schedule. Many companies will honor this arrangement for high achievers because it’s more cost-effective than losing them altogether. Some employers recognize that you already have the knowledge and training, which would enable you to achieve the same (or better) results on a part-time basis as someone else could on a full-time basis without the same training.

Job sharing This is perhaps the most difficult of all scenarios to secure because it requires the moon and stars to align in ways that aren’t always realistic. Even though some job-sharing relationships work successfully, the jury is still out on the overall effectiveness of such arrangements.

Do your research and make sure your plan can work with your job responsibilities. If you’re going to ask about working from home one day a week, how will your work get done? How will people reach you? Do you have the necessary setup at home to handle the work properly?

Research other departments within your company. If someone else has had success with flexible work arrangements, it could help to convince your boss to give it a shot too. The same is true for other employers in your area and in your industry. Those precedents can be very powerful in your favor.

If other coworkers would benefit from a similar arrangement, join forces. There’s often great leverage in numbers if you work together on a proposal that benefits your department and the company. Sixteen employees at a Texas company, for example, tired of long commutes, lack of time to pursue personal hobbies, and the demands of family life, dreamed of a compressed workweek with three-day weekends. That became the group’s goal, and it was determined to work toward it.With a membership in the double digits, their company was more likely to take their dream seriously than a lone employee’s pleas for flextime.

Write a formal proposal that presents the benefits from yours and your boss’s perspectives. This is a serious change; don’t ask for it casually. A written document is also great if your boss has to ask his boss about your request. You’d rather have your words passed up the chain of command than a paraphrased version with potential bias from any of the higher-ups. Our Texas 16 learned this the hard way: a year ago their request for a compressed work week was rejected because they asked verbally in an informal manner that clearly showed they hadn’t put the proper thought into it. This time they were smart – they put it in writing and it was successful! You should do the same.

Anticipate the reasons why a boss might say “no,” and offer counter-arguments. Before you present the proposal, figure out what the opposition might be – and address it in the proposal. If you think the boss will be worried that you won’t be available for key meetings that might pop up, explain how you’d be willing to alter your schedule as needed to accommodate such needs.

Show enthusiasm for your job and be clear about how flextime will improve your ability to do it. Be positive about your work. Don’t say, “The commute is killing me, so I must work from home.” Instead, explain how working from home will give you more time to devote to work and less stress since you aren’t sitting in a car for four hours a day. Be willing to compromise. Suggest a trial period and benchmarks to measure the success of your plan. Explain how you think the proposal should be measured by you and by your employer. You both must be satisfied for this to work.

Be patient. Even though we all love instant gratification, don’t expect an immediate answer. If your request is turned down, ask for feedback on why the idea was not accepted. Ask to establish a timeframe for revisiting this – and then be ready to go back with gusto.

Breaking Away is Good for You

A Boston College study found that employees who take a higher number of vacation days to just relax and enjoy themselves feel rejuvenated and less overwhelmed when they return to work.

Yet, according to Expedia.com, an astounding 51.2 million Americans will leave some of their vacation – an average of three days – on the table.

Barriers to Time Off: Stress, Job Security and Money

More than one third of American workers say they struggle with work stress while they’re away, so many say why bother taking time off. Instead of relaxing, they envision a slew of messages and massive to-do lists when they get back to the office. Or they use their vacation days to take care of important personal and family obligations – from doctor’s appointments to caring for children or older relatives – which isn’t relaxing at all.

Others worry about job security. “What if I go away and they don’t miss me? I don’t want to take that risk, so I’ll just stay put.” Money is also a big factor. Typical vacations conjure the image of steep travel expenses that many people can scarcely afford.

Rested Employees are More Productive

Savvy employers recognize that running people ragged and draining them isn’t a good thing. Studies have found that the total health and productivity cost of worker stress to American business could be as high as $150 billion a year. Studies also show that taking time off even reduces the risk of heart attack.

Recognize that just like a good night’s sleep refreshes you for the next day, a relaxing vacation – which means five or more days without work – rejuvenates you for doing your best on the job. Vacation is truly a necessity, not a luxury.

Tips for Stress-free Time Off

Pick an affordable destination. You need not jet off to a posh destination to enjoy time off. Do you live near parks and beaches that you’d like to explore? Can you take day trips by bike or train in your hometown? What about visiting a friend or relative with a spare bedroom to host you?

Designate a backup. Select a colleague who will be able to answer any questions about your projects while you’re away. Brief that person on your projects, where your files are kept and so on. Make sure you offer to do the same while your backup goes on vacation. This buddy system will keep your inbox under control while you’re away.

Change voicemail and email greetings. Change greetings on your phone and email accounts to indicate you will be out of touch. It’s bad business not to return calls, but if you let clients know you’re away and who to contact in your absence, they won’t feel ignored. And. most selfishly, it’ll save you from getting scores of messages filled with requests that could have been taken care of while you were away.

Give contact information to one person. Instead of telling everyone how to reach you, let one person know where you’ll be. He or she can funnel requests to determine if you really need to be bothered while away.

Set limits on work. There are some people who find being totally out of touch very stressful, yet constantly checking in defeats the purpose of a break. Make a commitment to yourself, your boss and your family to check in a limited amount: once a day, for example. Or if you have to bring work with you, limit the amount of time you spend on it – an hour a day, tops – and stick to it.

Comeback Careers – Addressing the Needs of Women Returning to Work

Editorial Team

Updated on July 19, 2023

The landscape of work is evolving, and a significant part of this evolution is the surge of women returning to work after having children. A study conducted by That Works For Me, an organization focused on retaining women in the workplace, reveals that even though an overwhelming 98% of mothers want to return to work post-childbirth, only 13% believe that full-time work is feasible.

Read More

Pregnancy and Your Career

Editorial Team

Eldercare: Challenges and Choices

Editorial Team

Interpersonal Obstacles at the Office

Editorial Team

In this section:

• Don’t Get too Cozy
• Stand Up for Yourself
• The End of a Marriage

Don’t Get too Cozy

We all know single people who spend most of their waking hours at work and dream of finding true love on the job as opposed to dealing with blind dates or online matchmaking. But the downside of finding your honey where you get your money can be daunting: What if those kisses in a cubicle actually cost you your paycheck? Instead of running with your heart, consider thinking with your head before hooking up with coworkers.

Check company policy. Before you get in too deep, find out if your company has a policy about workplace relationships. Many corporations have formal, written policies that prohibit them. Sometimes this prohibition includes all employees, or it may be limited to senior executives and their subordinates. Other policies extend to relationships with clients and vendors.

On the flip side, a growing number of policies are now being reevaluated, especially because many workers resent having their bosses tell them who they can or can’t date. In your place of employment, this may be an evolving issue. But no matter what the policy, you should know up front if dating a coworker will jeopardize your job.

Consider your colleagues. Consider how your colleagues will react to your office romance. Some may think you’re focusing more on your new romance than on your work – whether it’s true or not. There’s a risk of alienating them, and distancing yourself from the people you work with can’t possibly benefit your professional growth and development. You also run the risk of gaining a reputation for getting ahead in business by using romance – whether it’s true or not. There’s often no telling how your colleagues will react to the knowledge that you’re romantically involved with another coworker: jealousy, spite and resentment are all common reactions in cases where the boss promotes his girlfriend to a better job.

Be wary of potential conflict with your significant other. What happens when you two are at odds – for personal or professional reasons? It puts an awkward strain on the workplace dynamics – between the two of you, and among everyone you work with. No relationship is perfect, but even small disagreements or riffs can be magnified when you have to see the love of your life all day long. If your heart takes control of your senses and you do find love at the office, consider following this advice:

Keep it to yourself. Be discreet, especially at the beginning. Dating publicly invites endless workplace gossip. Keep it on the QT until you see where the relationship goes. If it fizzles, no one needs to know, and you can avoid the headache of announcing a breakup.

Keep it professional. Don’t hold hands at work and avoid all other public displays of affection. Even if your romance is public knowledge, no coworker wants to see your canoodling while they’re preparing expense reports.

Keep your email clean. Don’t forget that most workplace email is not private. In many companies, it’s monitored. So before exchanging hot and heavy love notes, be warned that the boss may be reading what you write.

Stand Up for Yourself

Nearly 40 percent of American workers say they have experienced workplace bullying, according to a 2007 study by research firm Zogby International. A University of Minnesota report released in March 2008 found the emotional toll associated with workplace bullying can be more severe than that of sexual harassment.

Bullying in the workplace takes so many forms. Among them:

Humiliating comments or actions
Making comments or taking action designed to humiliate is a form of bullying. For instance: if in a meeting or at the water cooler, you offer what you think is a good idea and someone smirks and calls you a moron that person is a bully. A bully laughs at you or mocks you in public.

Excessive yelling
A boss can disapprove of your performance. A boss can be upset if you’re repeatedly late. But none of that is an excuse for out-of-control screaming – in private or in front of others. Yelling repeatedly is a bully tactic.

Undermining your status at work
This includes withholding key information from you. Excluding you from an e-mail distribution once could be an oversight. Doing it consistently, or always intentionally leaving you out of meetings when you ought to be in the loop, is the pattern of a bully.

Failing to give credit
Just as damaging as undermining you is failing to give you the credit you deserve. If you’re working diligently and producing results but the boss or a colleague refuses to acknowledge you or your contribution on an ongoing basis – as if you simply don’t exist – that’s bullying.

We’ve heard from hundreds of people who’ve experienced bully tactics. While there is no single solution – no magic fairy dust to sprinkle to get a bully to change his or her ways – there are some smart steps workers can take to stop bullies from continuing to target them.

Stop it on the spot
If you can, nip it in the bud. People who bully do it because they can, and they won’t stop until someone stops them. So if you’re feeling strong when bullying starts, tell them firmly and directly, “Don’t speak to me that way. I’m professional and cordial to you, and I expect the same in return.”

Walk away from a tirade
You can also walk away. As a child, you might have had to sit still and take it from an intimidating parent; not so at work. Stand up and excuse yourself. “I have to go to the restroom.” “I have an appointment.” “I need some water.” This is especially useful if you’re on the verge of getting emotional which you don’t want a bully to witness.

Confront the bully calmly
When you’ve taken a breath and have had a chance to compose your thoughts, calmly confront the bully. Cite examples of the behavior that has been humiliating or demeaning and state that you expect it to stop. No name calling, just facts delivered in a reasoned manner.

Document the abuse
Documenting bully behavior is really important. Without the facts of when, where, witnesses and so on all clearly spelled out in writing you risk being brushed off as a petty complainer or tattletale. You can sound like you’re upset that someone is picking on you or that you’re thin-skinned. Going to human resources or a top manager is serious – and to be taken seriously you want to present the facts. Facts are much harder to dispute and to ignore than emotions. And by putting everything in writing as it happens, you’re less likely to forget key details.

Leave a toxic culture
Many people emailed me to ask if it’s ok to quit a job where the boss is a bully. They worried about being seen as a coward or a quitter. Sometimes leaving is the best and the only solution. The critics may say that’s giving in to the bullies – those bullies would like nothing more than to see you cry uncle and quit. But instead of worrying what they may or may not think, do what you know in your head and your heart is best for you. Your mental health and self-esteem are far more important than any one position. As hard as it may be to pound the pavement, you can always get a new job but it’s far more challenging to rebuild your crushed confidence and your declining health.

Express support for co-workers
This is not a problem limited solely to the nearly 40 percent of workers who say they’ve been targets of bullying; this is a significant workplace challenge that all of us should care about. None of us should sit in silence. If you see something, say something. That doesn’t mean gossiping or getting confrontational. Let someone know that you see what they’re going through and you’ll support them any way you can.

Talk to management
When it’s feasible, speak up to management about what you’ve witnessed. If you’re concerned about pointing fingers, show them articles on the costs of bully-related absenteeism, high turnover and productivity loss. Since bullying is costly to the company’s bottom line, that may cause them to take note. You can also suggest the introduction of company policies that support a healthy workplace.

Contact lawmakers
Several states have anti-bullying legislation on the books or pending ratification. Contact your state lawmakers to find out about anit-bullying/healthy workplace legislation. If no such legislation has been introduced, let lawmakers know that you feel strongly about the need for such laws.

The End of a Marriage

Just because half the marriages in this country end in divorce doesn’t mean you feel any less alone when it happens to you. Share your news, but refrain from wearing your bitterness or betrayal on your sleeve in the workplace. Usually the demands of coworkers and supervisors are the last things you want to deal with during or immediately following a divorce. But getting back to work can boost your self-esteem, put your mind on other things, and bring home a paycheck to avoid financial stress. It can also provide a chance to socialize after your main social outlet has disappeared. Most importantly, your career can provide you with a sense of stability and accomplishment to combat the sense of failure many women feel after a divorce.

No matter what you’re feeling or the circumstances surrounding your divorce, it’s essential not to allow this personal crisis to diminish your professional worth. Since divorce can be an all-encompassing experience – straining everything from your self-esteem to your pocketbook – it’s often next to impossible to separate personal and professional feelings. Yet the fact remains that the failure of your relationship doesn’t in any way lessen your value in the workplace. As you divvy your tangible possessions, do not dispose of your professional confidence. Now is when you need it most.

Another thing to be careful about during the aftermath of a divorce is falling into a dangerous office romance because you’re on the rebound. Keep your mind on work when you’re at work and give yourself plenty of time to heal before you look for a new romantic alliance, whether in or out of the office. Sometimes we make our worst decisions when pain is fresh in our heart, and that includes decisions about with whom we choose to socialize.