Virtual Job Club Day 19: Are YOU Holding Yourself Back?
When I read posts from the last 18 days that say things like, “I don’t want to volunteer, I just want a job,” it makes me think that someone doesn’t get it. While on the surface, of course you have no desire to work for free when you’re in need of a paycheck, it’s a shortsighted take on the job search process.
More importantly, it’s indicative of a negativity that influences — and harms — your path to employment. There are too many YES, BUTs going on. Too many I CAN’TS and I WON’Ts. And when you always knock every piece of advice because you’re sure it won’t work, you’re sentencing yourself to prolonged unemployment.
Snap out of it…starting here. Let’s be honest: tell us the three things below that you know you’re negative about or three things that you’re convinced simply won’t work so you’ve completely stopped trying.
And then read other people’s posts — and force yourself to give opposing advice…advice that moves from negative territory to positive space.
I want you to challenge yourself to revisit the tactics that you’ve long-ignored. Fresh start come Monday, right?
I am super negative about my ability to get a job in my field in either Ohio or Michigan. A former employer seems to be dogging me with negative remarks-which of course, I can’t prove. I don’t know what to do.
I’m also negative about following up on resumes I’ve sent out. I’ve been told I should make phone calls but in the conservative field I work in, that is frowned upon so I don’t do it.
Finally, I’m getting depressed and have almost given up getting a job in the field I’ve spent 18 years in (with a doctorate due in December) because of issue #1, above. Nobody wants me. I’m my own worst enemy.
I am a long-time volunteer and people have approached me as a consultant for various projects. No job offers have ever come as a result of my contacts, but I do it because I enjoy helping my community. However, people do question why I continue to offer my services for “free” with no guarantee of monetary rewards down the road.
Another thing that I continue to be frustrated about is my resume. Every time I think I have the right format, I read or hear something to the contrary.
I’m still very negative about my ability to interview well. I’m taking a lot of webinars and seminars on interviewing skills and hope that this will help me develop some confidence about the whole process. I must admit that part of the issue is that my dentures do not fit very well and I am extremely self-conscious about that.
Writing effective cover letters is also still an issue for me. I am trying to follow Gretchen’s advice to write my own story & incorporate that into cover letters tailored for the position. This is still very much a work in progress.
I’m also not entirely convinced that volunteering will be beneficial. Volunteer opportunities (until tax season) in the accounting world are few and far between. There’s really no other volunteer positions that are directly related to my career goals so I would much rather spend my time working on developing and fine-tuning my interviewing and networking skills than, for example, volunteering at a soup kitchen.
You are right and we both know that I’ve been negative because I got some good opportunitites and then lost them. I volunteered with a nonprofit, did some great work but NO job offers materialized & am turned off to volunteering at this point.
Now my resume is ok, I’ve got a good cover letter so I need to take more actions. The job club has been great — and it just reinforced what I’ve always known: building relationships leads to employment and a clear head gets you there!! Love, Lois
I am a long time volunteer and enjoy. I do get stretched to far. I believe people take for granted that I will keep doing, without thinking what they may do to help in return (leads), tasks that help me pay living expenses. There was a lead passed in my organization, without any mention of my name to forward. I did have one referral of value last year because of my connections. I make calls, rarely do people contact me except to buy things or for immediate information. What about get acquainted first? 2. Organizations have now become dues oriented, if you let go, they don’t talk to you. 3. It is becoming challenge to collaborate, as I find volunteers (and colleagues) really don’t know how to share and work together. Volunteering is a great place to learn, yet people go home and do the work themselves without communication. I am still waiting on a reply for a project I volunteered to help with. Perhaps they are trying to prove themselves for additional resume work.
I say the 3 negative issues I’ve had to face in address are Faith in myself and my worth…I can’t expect others to have faith in me if I don’t have it first.
Confidence in my abilities…it actually took someone telling me after reviewing my resume that she thought I may be overqualified for the position because of how wonderful my resume and background looked. It boosted my confidence and reminded me to stand up straight, shoulders back, head up and faith in myself and what I can do and then “bring it”…this got me to the next round, an actual interview (a possibility)
Lastly, fear. Fear of the unknown. But who knows what each day is going to bring? Who really knows? But like my favorite quote goes…”we are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.”
I haven’t completely kicked all 3 yet, but I am aware they exist and am on my way!
To HR, I understand your frustration with your resume, I went through the same thing. Each person has a different point of view. You may have to stop asking for a short time. (Sometimes they may think that is the easy thing to help with, without knowing how frustrating it is for others) I started a focus on my cover letter to display my accomplishments more. It is a challenge at first, sell yourself as the best asset.
I understand periods of negativity and discouragement. I really do. If it were not for my faith and family, I would have never been able to survive this season of unemployment this long.
I have made the decision that I’m not going to quit. I’m going to keep going. Forward is all I have. Going back is not an option.
I am currently reading Jack Canfield’s, “The Success Principles”. Here are a couple of quotes that I hope will inspire and encourage you today:
– When anything bad happens, remember that everything that ever happens to me has within it the seed of something better. Look for the upside rather than the downside. Realize that whatever I am going through now is going to turn out better in the future as well.
– Roadblocks are simply obstacles that the world throws at you. Don’t see them as stop signs but rather as a normal part of the process that will always appear. They’re supposed to appear. If they don’t, it means you haven’t set a goal that’s big enough to stretch you and grow you. Once I am aware of them, I can face them, process them and deal with the.
And lastly, from Joyce Meyer:
“If we want to fulfill our potential, we must be prepared to go through everything we need to go through in order to get to where God wants us to be”
Keep going my friends! I’ll be praying for you all!
I know I’m holding myself from going to social events because most of these networking events are after 5pm in DC and my parents (yes, 25 and still live at home with no car) worry way too much about my safety because I have to use public transportation and have to return after dark. I’m also a bit concerned about my safety too but I know I have to be smart, know my surroundings and not let anything get in the way. Also, my parents still don’t understand why I have to network. I’ve tried explaining it to them but they don’t get it. It’s not that I CAN’T go, it’s more like their worries get to me and they are reluctant to help me with transportation.
There is also a language class that I want to enroll in to improve my asian language abilities but, of course, there is only one night class offered in DC. Also, I hate that I have to rely on my parents to pick me up from the metro station (I live outside of DC)or take an expensive taxi. They DO understand that in order for me to find a job in international affairs or global media that I need to go into the city (not just in the daytime), it’s just their negative thoughts get to me sometimes.
It’s the same for volunteer work. They are reluctant to give me a ride to a place I want to volunteer at b/c they don’t want to understand why it’s so necessary. I would ask a friend to give me a ride or even have a friend go with me to networking events at night but, unfortunately, I’ve been out of my hometown for quite awhile (for school and work abroad) so I’ve lost touch with my friends here. I’ve tried getting back in touch with them (and I tried to stay in touch with them while I was abroad) but it didn’t work and my career goals are very different from their’s anyways.
I know this sounds really pathetic. I’m an adult and I should be able to do what I need to do but being around people that are not understanding or supportive of what you want to do can be frustrating. It’s stupid, and I know this is a problem because it was their negativity that ALMOST prevented me from accepting a prestigious fellowship abroad that I just came back from.
Firstly, while I appreciate what you say about not being negative and the benefits of volunteering, there is a reality for someone that is trying to keep his/her head above water. Volunteering is not top of mind but finding work to pay the bills is. When you back is against the wall, you feel pressured to use every available minute to hit the pavement and find work. There is a place for volunteering. But for folks in crisis, there are other priorities.
That said, the one thing I feel negative about is applying for jobs on line and for working with another recruiter although I felt a bit more uplifted about latter after yesterday’s call. After thousands of posts and with no responses it is difficult to feel positive about that experience.
Ultimately, believe it or not, I am generally a positive person and believe there is always another path to my goal. To that end I am doing an internship so I can have practical experience on my CV in the field I am transitioning my career into (and yes you are never to old to be an intern. It is means to an end). Maybe that can be likened to volunteering. In my case, while it is only part time, it is paid.
There is nothing to be negative about.
My experience with that recruiter (Day 18 comment) isn’t anything that is stopping me on my job search. All it did was open my eyes to the way some of the job seekers I represent have been treated or may be treated. I now can prepare those that have never been to a recruiter on what they might run into. Preparedness is not negativity. Instead in this situation it will give the job seekers a chance to make a plan ahead of time on how to handle that type of situation.
As this pertains to me and my job search my biggest problem is still finding time for my search, finding ways to streamline my search. This is an individual choice, not the choice I would encourage all job seekers to make, but since time is my problem I won’t be using staffing agencies or recruiters as for me they are too time consuming. My network is huge and I can get to more people one-on-one than any recruiter could ever do for me.
I do want to say though that this discussion on negativity is good. Running job clubs since the 90’s the most difficult job seekers to work are two groups. Group 1: those with rose colored glasses on (non realistic). And, Group 2: those that spew constant negativity (non productive).
Group 1 falls hard when realism kicks in but they are always willing to rechannel their searches. Group 2 loses the energy needed to keep the job hunt going. It’s kind of like exercise. When you get into the habit it’s easy to exercise, you want to do it but if that pattern gets disrupted then it is so hard to reenergize yourself to exercise. For job seekers negativity is what causes the disruption in the search and makes it difficult to reenergize. Lose the negativity and the energy will come back!
The thing I am most negative about right now is that we are still dwelling on negativity in this job club! It’s exhausting.
Today I am going to buy a couple of planters, some vegetable and flower seeds, and some potting soil. I will make one planter for me, and a couple for my neighbors. I will ask us all to cultivate these pots of food and color throughout the winter, as a reminder that it takes very little to cheer oneself up and help cheer someone else up, too. Plus, maybe a homegrown pepper will come in handy in January!
Please do something small (or big!) to cheer yourself and one other person up today. Maybe we can make a shift in this club by doing so, and get more positive results in our lives while we’re at it.
I agree with MMP. I really don’t feel negative except about having to deal with the negativity issue in this job club. I feel hopeful and happy, and while I haven’t found a job yet, I am making quite a few changes in my job search process, including updating LinkedIn, changing terms on my resume, and all the other things I have learned through the phenomenal information and phone calls I have received from Tory and her associates. I am thinking out of the box and looking for different jobs, such as things I can do on the computer. Eight months from now I’ll be able to locate anywhere (after my daughter graduates). I have started school and I can’t wait for the Career Expo in Atlanta!
Oh! and I really love the idea of the pots of food!
I’m repeating this here from my FB post —
FOR ANYONE IN THE GREATER BOSTON (MA) AREA:
Ladies! For anyone in the greater Boston (MA) area — I have a possible connection for you for a 6-week project beginning Oct. 1. I declined because I know I don’t have the expertise in the area they need but in my discussion with them said I would contact associates to see if anyone might be available. It’s an IT firm and they need an Administrator for Quality Center 10. I think he’s looking to resolve this ASAP so if you are interested shoot me an email at email@example.com.
My confidence has been built by changing my resume. Each time I read about myself, it gives me a GREAT shot in the arm. The resume is FLUID.
Today I listened again to Day’s 12 call by Dani Ticklin Kiplik – New Business Landscape. For those who do not want to follow the advice of volunteering or redo a resume or what ever the concern is – listen again to her description of the how the landscape has changed. It isn’t what you know – it is about how you THINK. What can you loose by trying new things. In fact, I suggest that we all take the time to re-listen to the wonderful calls available.
I can’t really identify any specific area of negativitiy right now. Those I have dealt with as I have participated daily and benefitted form the various presenters.
They have been extremely helpful in bringing me to where I can truly asses my value, learn 21st century job techniques and gain boldness.
In fact some of the tapes I intend to share with my household.
Creating my story, maximising linkedIn, dealing with fear and all the resume design tips I have started to apply.
I extend special encouragement to you facing those challenges. Be brave and take the stand that you need to now. Step out of your comfort zone. Do not allow not having a car to keep you from attending those events that you need to attend. At least you are near a city that has transportatin options. I am in a smilar situation without a vehicle right now, but I try to be careful and do the networking that I need to do. What you do today will shape the type of future you can look forward to. Best of luck.
Like Sheree (can’t believe how similar our names are) negative issues I’m dealing with have to do with my losing confidence in my abilities and in my worth. But I named it, and started to address them in week 2 when we were talking about fear – and I’m still addressing them.
SME, we have a very, very similar story! This part of my post is for you: I worked through the parental part of my issues through countless conversations which also included other people that my parents respect or see as a collegue who understood my point of view and could/would speak on my behalf. I hope this helps.
I really don’t want to dwell on the negative, not here — not any longer. I haven’t refused to volunteer, I simply haven’t found anything in my area. But I am still looking.
I’m not too thrilled with most of the recruiters I’m dealing with (naturally because no jobs have come to real fruition) but I am still working with them consistently, everyday.
Other than that, the negative thoughts I have to tame are ALL related to my living situation precisely because it is now precarious. Everything else pales in comparison.
But there is one large issue on my mind. I have been hoping that this forum would lead to us networking WITH EACH OTHER.
I have seen very few comments being directed from one to another of us, and I think that’s a shame (I don’t mean for something personal such as empathizing with another’s similar plight). I’ve noted a few things in posts that I thought might be helpful but with no way for anyone to contact me how would I know if someone needed further info? Just before this note I posted notice for a consultancy in Boston hoping that I’d reach someone from the group who’s qualified and interested.
I think this is a missing piece from the job club because I think with all of us networking in our areas we may be learning about opportunities we personally are not qualified for, but someone else here may be.
This is something I believe could be very valuable in a networking sense. I’ll use my own post as an example — I’ve had a discussion with the person hiring for the position I noted here. After reading the job details he’d emailed me I was honest to admit I didn’t have the specific qualifications he requires. BUT offered to make a few “calls” to colleagues/associates for anyone who might be available. Here’s where the points are made — you let me know you are, we touch base about the job specifics and then not only do I give you the contact info, but I contact HIM as well and give him YOUR name. I get points for making the contact, and you get points for getting ushered through the front door, as it were.
So that’s what I would like to propose — can we have a posting board for our group to be able to contact each other? I understand about personal emails being hidden here, but if there were a ‘job board’ for us we’d be looking specifically for any opportunities that arise rather than reading ‘exercise’ comments. And posting on FB? I’d rather keep it to OUR group here and not broadcast it to the millions — keep the help here ‘at home’ where WE need it. I really think it could work. And if not, well — here’s one of those you-never-know-until-you-try situations.
So, Tory — is this something you’d consider? And ladies, is this something YOU would consider?
I am think I have finally turned the corner. I have only been without a job for about 3 months and I was incredibly frustrated that folks weren’t just dying to hire me…but this past Tues I went to a networking luncheon where folks had been out of work longer and had more experience…it finally put it all into perspective.
Now, I am still working with some headhunters, one isn’t super communicative about the job I would LOVE to have and the other, just not a super nice person for a job I wouldn’t mind having. I just wish someone would finally pick me – did you miss the memo, I am cute, I work really hard and I need a job!
I am negative about getting a job out-of-state because employers do not seem to want to hire people from out of their state.
I stopped networking because after being out of a full-time permanent job for over 4 years, people I know are sick of me asking “do you know of any job openings” or ” could you pass my resume on”, etc.
Volunteering hasn’t worked either. I volunteered before and left after about a year working at each place. One place still contacts me about doing free work for them. When I asked them for a reference from a grant they got that I wrote for them, they didn’t and haven’t replied back. Don’t know if other places would act the same way, but . . .
Also, given up on applying for what the type of job I really want and have just started applying for anything I think I can do.
Barabara – I love your idea!
RK: Can you get a friend who owns a business or works in the industry to call your former employer and act like they are doing a reference check on you? I’ve done this for people I know, and would be willing to do it for you, too.
HR and dw: Can you figure out a service you’ve offered to the places you volunteered at, and how to price it appropriately? Maybe try to just sell that service to small businesses?
je: I joined a Toastmasters club and learned how to speak in front of people. This experience helped my interviewing skills tremendously, and some of the Toastmaster clubs are free, many are low cost.
Everyone bothered by the negativity: I will pray for you. Negativity is a gift, helps us figure out our reactions and then change them. It’s getting easier and easier to stop focusing on what’s wrong since I listened to Tory’s blank slate recording. It hit me: I can start completely over, wipe the slate clean, and then choose which pieces I want to write again on the new slate. Keep it simple, and keep everything else off.
Now instead of seeing things that confirm a negative situation, I ask myself “is this a possible new market for me?”
I’ve actually gotten more done in these nineteen days than I have all year. Have a great weekend!
Today I volunteered at advanced registration for the Race for the Cure collection petitions for National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program this is for the uninsured and low income women who do not qualify for Medicaid.
Also I belong to an organization for teens guiding them about college. In November there will be a day called college connections. I am on the committee for the teen program. And we went around the room at the meeting for an ice breaker, yes I did say not working.
Just because I don’t have a job I am not staying in the house feeling sorry for my self. I go out even if it is just to sit in the library and reed newspapers, magazines, and look at books get email address for websites that look interesting.
I did join another network on LinkedIn. I belong to 31 networks. And asked several people form that network to join my. Some did. This was a dental network that is what I want go back to. I left working in a dental office over 20 years ago the only reason there were no computers. Computers did not come into dental offices until 1992 or 1993 by that time I left that line of work. Now looking back I wish never did. There are all these dental software programs no office is willing to retrain any one. There is someone in this new dental network who works for a dental company that is a trainer in the dental software. I am hoping that I can meet up with this person.
I have looked at the retraining schools for dental asst. programs, but are all too expensive range in prices from $1,300- $4,000. May be some one will hear my message loud and clear from a dental office and would be willing to retrain me.
I have benefited greatly from this job club. I believe I would benefit from volunteering at specific companies that are on my career path. For example..if I volunteered at a soup kitchen. .it would dill the gap but not increase my depths in my career.
Mary, That is actually what I did, use my volunteer experience to transition to clients. And because there are so few jobs and clients, I even offer work to the companies that received the client work because I know they need help. Its tough, we definitely need to stay very focused, listen and smile regardless of the lemons thrown to us. Good luck and have a great weekend everyone!
Thanks, Lyz — I hope more of us are thinking about it and will reply.
Unfortunately I haven’t heard from anyone yet about the job I posted but my fingers are still crossed I will.
Have a great weekend, Lyz!
As of yesterday, I believe I am closer to making a decision about where my residence will be…including ability to pursue project. No negativity here.
My three things I am still facing negativity problems with are:
1. Job fairs don’t work. I did attend your last one and did have better responses there from the recruiters, but I still heard apply on-line.
2. Using a recruiter. My experience has not been good in this area because I’ve only had interviews with the recruiter and then never heard anything since. I feel that they think I am not a strong candidate. However, maybe it’s just that I haven’t met the right firm for me and my skills.
3. Using facebook and LinkedIn. Honestly I don’t mind using LinkedIn, but I still want my account private. As for my facebook, that is not for getting me a job, that is to socialize with past and present friends. Making either of these public just allows for too much personal info available to everyone. However, I will say, I have nothing to hide on either of these two sites from an employer.
Barbara..I share in your comments. I wish this job club was more INTERACTIVE than VIRTUAL and there was some feedback provided to us. Someone to say, “yeah, you got it” someone to review my resume, make recommendations on the cover letters that I personally write and yet gain no response. Am I doing the activities right?
I’m not posting anything about fear, or negativity anymore….too much of an obsession with it for too many days.
Hopefully, there will be a way for us to interact and network with each other.
My slate is shiny and clean, please give me chalk!
Tory’s page is a great place to come and share. I saw an older lady crossing a road in a crosswalk at a stop light and took a small fall this afternoon in my neighborhood. I parked my car, got out and went over to her to see if she was okay. She skinned her knee and shaken up a bit, was okay. A kind word goes a long way these days to others.
Although I responded earlier, I thought about the second half of the assignment – to give opposing advice to move comments from negative to positive. With that thought in mind, I’ve decided to share the stories of two young women whose lives inspire me to continue moving forward.
My friend is 31. She was not supposed to live beyond the age of 2. She is permanently disabled with neurologic and muscular diseases. She was raped, dealt with anorexia, and suffered a traumatic brain injury (in addition to her neurologic disease). She now faces the possibility of not having a place to live and losing her insurance. She takes medication to keep her brain functioning, to breathe correctly, to sleep, to eat, to keep the pain at a bearable threshold. She receives disability and even though she wants to work, she is not able to hold down a job. She never knows until she wakes up in the morning if she is able to function or not function, if she is having a “good” day or a “bad” day.
If you were to meet her, this is not the story she would tell you. She would tell you how she participates in every disabled/adaptive sport available to her. If she chooses not to play in a particular sport, she volunteers and encourages others. She would tell you about her new wheelchair and how it enables her to remain independent and participate in an urban hiking club. She would show you her first pair of pumps she bought at the thrift store last week. She is able to wear pretty shoes now that she has a wheelchair. With her canes, she always had to wear orthotics. She would tell you how she co-chairs meet-up groups stating, “Would you like to join? Let me show you around.” She would tell you some humorous stories about the men she has met through online dating. She would show you her latest photography or the pots she has thrown. She would tell you how she volunteered at the community arts center until the city decided to close it. She heard a rumor they may hold activities there again, and she is writing the city council to encourage them to do so.
This is a woman whose life has been anything but smooth and “normal”.
The other young woman was my daughter’s classmate and friend. She was killed three weeks ago in a motor vehicle accident just as she was starting her senior year. She was the class president, the valedictorian, a member/winner of the competitive acting team, a book lover, a volunteer, a comedian. She jumped off cliffs (since the age of six), rode motorcycles and cooked with her father. At her memorial service, students came forward with stories, such as, “I only met Kelly once. I was crying because I had just broken up with my boyfriend” or” I had failed an exam” or “I was scared of a project in class.” “She introduced herself and helped me with my assignment” or “She encouraged me” or “She made me laugh”. . .”And she didn’t even know me, but from that day on she always said hi to me in the hallway and that made me feel special.”
This was a young woman who never had a mean word to say about anyone and whose motto was, “You can do it! Let me help you!” She lived more in her 17 years than many of us do in a lifetime.
In those instances when I feel the fear bubbling and the anger seeps into my surroundings, I recall their stories. I am not comparing myself to them. I am recalling the spirit in which they have lived their lives. I am consciously choosing a positive attitude and positive friends. I am remembering that whatever I am going through now will pass, and in this moment, I am living life and I am okay.
I like to thank Lyz for sharing those uplifting stories. I also like Barbara’s idea of job board for this group.
My main fear, prior to joining the club, was finishing my graduate degree with no job. I also feared the “over qualified” hurtle. I am very energized by the experts’ sharing job search techniques and advice.
I’m a very positive person, solution oriented and stubborn. I worry about today’s technology getting beyond me, but my son and my best friend make using the new technology easy to learn. I feel strongly that my new job is out there, we’ve just not connected yet.
When I was fired in 2008 I immediately went back to college for AAS in Paralegal studies.I graduated “cum laude” in May 2011 and have been hunting for work since. Most attorneys are interested and satisfied with my credentials they are just unwilling to hire in this economy.
Your information has been most instructive in allowing me to update my resume, outlook and jump into the LinkedIn experience. Thanks.
First I want to say that the job club program has really given me a boost of positivity. I am FEELING great about getting situated. What I am not doing though is taking enough ACTION yet. I am listening in on the calls (which I love because I either learn new things or I feel good about already knowing some of the material), I am doing the homework and leaving comments, and I am taking some of the additional actions suggested… but I am still not doing enough calling, networking, and applying for real jobs. I really took to heart the talks/calls about fear and had already started doing some research on tools for overcoming fear myself. I have read a couple of really helpful books on the topic from the library and am putting some of those tools into practice, too. In the meantime though, 3 things I am still negative about:
First, not having produced enough results (paid or otherwise) while I have been away from full-time work – and I can’t go back and change it now, so I feel uncomfortable approaching this topic if I get interviewed. I have done a lot of learning, research, participating in networking groups, etc. – but have not produced outcomes related to business results.
Next, my background is in the software/Internet industries. I started on the technical side, then went into project management and then management up to executive roles in SMB companies. The management and project management positions I see out there have requirements that are highly technical around specific technologies that I have not worked with. So, I question my ability to sell myself into my old industries and I am not sure how to sell myself in other (new) industries – even though I am a fast learner, have great business and people management skills and know I could contribute strongly where ever I ended up.
Third, I don’t know. I already feel like a big whiner with what I already wrote above. It comes down to fear. I can think of lots of things to be afraid of and turn negative about, but I also know that action is the only way through fear. So, I guess I just need to kick my own butt more and since I haven’t, that’s what I feel negative about. Maybe I feel too comfortable NOT in a job, having control over my own time – even though I am eating away our savings, which suc*s.
OK, that is all out – time to regroup!
I agree. I have volunteered for most of my adult life. I have received two job recommendations and I got one job from volunteering. I think volunteering is fun, it keeps you grounded and it is a way to help others while you help yourself.